I had a wonderful audience last night for my zoom call with Adoption Network Cleveland featuring my memoir, Dr. Beare’s Daughter: Growing Up Adopted, Adored, and Afraid. The event was one in their series of Memoir Mondays. Thanks to Betsie Norris, founder and director, for planning and hosting this event. The people who attended were adoptees, adopted parents, and first parents from many states and one foreign country. I read excerpts from my book that illustrated how my adoption affected my life. Then Betsie opened the meeting to questions. Here are a few:
Q: What qualities would your childhood self, seek out in finding trusted adults?
A: The adults I gravitated to were happy with themselves. They liked to listen and were non-judgmental.
Q: What is something your childhood self would have wanted to hear from your adopted parents?
A: I would have liked some acknowledgment that before I was their child, I had a history, and that not everything of me was from them. I’d have liked them to encourage me to explore my own likes and dislikes, instead of telling me what I, as their child, liked and didn’t like. There are also some things I heard from my adopted parents that I wish I hadn’t heard—like my mother crying when she looked at me on Mother’s Day. Instead of celebrating that she was my mother, I was an in-her-face reminder that she was a failure as a woman because she never had her own.
Q: And from your birth parents?
A: I would have liked them to tell me their stories—who they were, what they were like, and the story of how I came to be.
Q: If you could tell your birth mom one thing, what would it be?
A: I would tell her that she did the right thing. If she couldn’t give me a good life—then thanks for getting me out of there. I would also want to tell her a little about my life and that I was okay.